I’ve always been very patriotic; I love our Country and have always thought our flag to be one of the most beautiful sights to behold.  My years spent as a military wife provided an even deeper sense of the meaning “Freedom isn’t free”.

My family gave my loved one and me a picture after deployment that has the following verse:

The meaning so true on many levels.  We use this verse often in the military.  And yet, the ultimate sacrifice was that of Christ who laid His life down for all of us…the spotless lamb…the perfect sacrifice.  There is truly no greater love than this!

And because of my acceptance of Jesus Christ as my Savior-putting my faith and trust in Christ alone and asking Him to save me from my sins-I also am free.  Free from the penalty of sin which is death.  Free from the bondage of sin.  Free from guilt as I’m not perfect and will continue to sin-and God’s grace covers it all.

Today I’m also experiencing a different type of freedom.  I’ve never honestly thought of it as freedom before…more like unwanted change.  Yet, as I’ve discovered God’s path for my life right now-a path that I didn’t want-God is also showing me His freedom in this path.  Freedom from the pain, bondage, manipulation, lies, guilt of my loved one towards me.  Freedom to let go and let God instead of thinking I can save my loved one or my marriage.  The truth is I can’t.  The truth is Jesus died for all of us and paid the penalty for sin; I didn’t.  Jesus is the only one who can save; I can’t.

Today there is freedom in the realization that I can completely trust God with my loved one to work where I can’t.  And my prayer is that my loved one will also one day experience freedom found in Christ alone.  Today there’s freedom for me in ‘letting go and letting God‘.

My Identity

Driving in early-morning hours.  Song on the radio…

“You call me righteous, You call me Yours, No longer guilty, Not anymore!!!  I am rewritten, I’m spoken for, A new creation now I stand, cause of who You say I am!”

…brought me to tears.

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This song played in my head and heart all weekend.  It was Easter weekend.  I found myself praising God-so grateful to Him that I am no longer guilty or condemned.  That through His redemptive work on the cross, through His grace, through my faith in Christ alone I am

  • righteous
  • His
  • not guilty
  • rewritten
  • spoken for
  • a new creation
  • and much more!

And my heart was so broken for my loved one who is bound by chains in his bondage to sin.  I continually prayed all weekend for his soul-for the scales and blindness to be removed from his eyes and heart-that he could see God’s love and forgiveness and amazing grace-and that he could experience God’s redemption.

As I continued to meditate on the words of this song, I kept coming back to this part

I am not bound by who I was, my identity redefined by Love!  I am not bound by who I was, my identity redefined by Love!”

My identity…

This made me think through what I believed my identity was.  The message of this song is sharing that my identity is now in Christ, which I thought I knew and believed.

As I continued to meditate on this phrase, on passages of scripture, on reflecting on the various events of discovery and letting go to this point, I realized God was bringing me to the point of letting go of who I had built and thought my identity to be.  It was a continuation of what I had been learning regarding me being powerless.

I realized I had built and believed/lived like my identity was found in my husband, in my job, in the military, in my family, in being childless, in the semblance of some “great” life.


Redefined by Love….while this is most likely obvious to most, this was a huge revelation to me in my heart and head.  God has been working in my life through all these horrible circumstances to bring me to the point of realizing my identity is in Him alone and to give me permission to redefine who I thought I was into being defined as His by His Love.

Grateful today for this truth!  Grateful there’s no measuring stick or continual need to please or gain approval from anyone to define who I am.  Thankful I can release this all to Him, the Giver of my true identity redefined by Love.


Much of my life I believed lies without realizing it…

Hold it all together everybody needs you strong.”  Somehow early on in my life I believed I wasn’t pretty enough or good enough-it was about pleasing people yet I’m thankful I also had firm convictions.  Somehow I believed that my insecurity would go away when I got married…I put my security, trust, self-worth in my husband instead of my God.  I believed the lies that my loved one’s choices were my fault.  I lived in bondage to these lies for years.

The walls crumbled one day.  Yet it would still take years before I truly understood something so incredibly important.

I’m powerless.

Powerless over my feelings of worthlessness and insecurity, and in trying to control/blame/criticize my loved one regarding his choices.

What I’ve learned

God alone created me fearfully and wonderfully…I’ve known the Bible verses in my head.  I’ve been working to believe them in my heart.

He desires to take my desire to control and show me how powerless I am…How POWERFUL He is.

He had to tear down the walls of pride, selfishness, and self-righteousness in my life…bring me to the end of myself.  He must increase and I must decrease.

He desires to take my insecurity and sense of worthlessness and make me secure and worthy in and through Christ alone.

At the end of the day, it comes down to one thing…Christ alone.

“I find my strength, I find my hope, I find my help, in Christ alone!

When fear assails, When darkness falls, I find my peace, in Christ alone!

I give my life, I give my all, I sing this song, to Christ alone!

The King of kings, the Lord of all, All Heaven sings, to Christ alone!

’till He returns, or calls me home, here in the power of Christ, I’ll stand,
here in the power of Christ, I’ll stand.”