Decision making.  I’ve struggled the past few months with this.

What is God’s will and plan for my life?  

How do I know?

What if I make the wrong choice?

As I’ve spent some time alone with God this month, I’m working on the following:

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him”.  

I was asked to answer the very questions I was asking in my head along with others:

What percentage of your will are you willing to turn over to God? _____

What percentage of your life are you willing to turn over to God?  _____

What percentage of controlling behaviors are you willing to turn over to God?  ____

What percentage of your insecurity are you willing to turn over to God?  _____

What percentage of your worthlessness are you willing to turn over to God?  _____

If not all of it, why not?

Wow, if that didn’t hit the nail on the head!  It’s one thing to read through the questions.  It’s another to have to write down a percentage-and be honest with that.  I think many of us know in our heads the right answers.  We know in our heads that the right answer is 100% to all these questions!  But what I was challenged with was in my heart.  What this looks like to genuinely answer these 100% in my heart.

Surrender.

Surrender all.

We were asked to define surrender.  What does it mean to you?

I defined it as giving up myself to God/dying to myself.  Then I had to list specific ways I would do that with the things I am facing in life.

I think surrender can be scary.  I have a tendency to want to control the outcome-to know how things turn out…perhaps others do as well?  What God was revealing to me a few weeks ago was that I was powerless to control the situation in my life because I can’t control the choices of my loved one.  Converting this new-found knowledge to my heart in addition to taking on this new step is giving me the desire for complete surrender.

Instead of fear, surrender to me is:

• peace
• rest
• security
• joy

in my God who is abundantly able to do for me beyond what I can ask, think, or imagine.  Surrender is no longer bearing the weight of the burdens of this situation, but allowing God to work out the details according to His beautiful plan.  Surrender is taking God at His word-believing He is faithful in keeping His promise that He does have a plan for my life-a hope and a future.  Surrender is allowing others to come along-side of me, burying my pride, and growing in life’s journey together.  Surrender is allowing God to use this terrible ugliness and pain in my life to bring Him glory.

Surrender will be a daily, perhaps a several times a day process-but one I’m ready for.  I’m exhausted trying to live life partially my way instead of giving God complete control.  This beautiful old hymn is my prayer.  How about you?

“All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give; I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live!
I surrender all!  I surrender all!  All to Jesus I surrender, I surrender all!
All to Jesus I surrender, Lord, I give myself to Thee; fill me with Thy love and power, let Thy blessing fall on me!
I surrender all!  I surrender all!  All to Jesus I surrender, I surrender all!”