Struggling

Many of us may struggle with doubts and questions to God.  The Psalms are so comforting to me as I find my prayer journal entries looking so  much like the Psalmists’ writings.IMAG1267_1_1

God desires us to be real with Him.  Yet He also desires us to cling to His promises.  This was my prayer to God as I struggled through my counseling that dealt with believing in God’s restoration.

Have you ever struggled with some of these thoughts?  Regardless of our situations, God desires us to cling to His promises.  He is Faithful!

God, it’s not that I don’t know that You’re all powerful, that You desire all to come to repentance, that You’re greater than this…I know that all in my head.  I’m struggling to believe this in my heart for my situation.  So often the bondage of sin seems so great and yet You already conquered sin and death!  I’m struggling as You’ve given us all a free will to choose…and yet You’re Sovereign and know what will happen…and I struggle that I don’t.  I’m struggling with accepting the fact that my loved one may never choose You or to be healed and that You may not choose to intervene.

God, at times, I’ve sounded as if I’m demanding You to heal him and our situation, please forgive me for that Lord.  You have a plan-You promise to prosper and not to harm me-to give me a hope and a future.  Give me the faith to believe Your promises to me.

I’ve asked You many questions this week.  What if You choose not to fix my brokenness?  What if no matter how much I pray for my loved one and our situation, the answer is no?  What do You want from me?  What are You doing with my life?  How do I know Your will?  How/What does Your joy look like in my life?  How do I respond to people when they ask how I am?  How can I glorify  You in the midst of my pain and sadness?

Through the week Lord, You’ve shown me that You want me to be a better broken-my situation may never get better-Your will may not involve my loved one or our situation to be healed/restored….it’s not for me to worry about.  Instead, You’re teaching me that You want me to get better in my brokenness-to know You with an intimacy and genuineness I’ve never-before experienced.  To completely trust You with each day and footpath instead of focusing on hiking the tallest peak of the mountains in my life.  To not hide in my circumstances but be ready to share genuinely how You’re working in my life without having to talk about my loved one.  To embrace the reality I’ve been given now-I can daily pray for him each morning but also look to You to help me embrace where You have me right now.

I haven’t been able to experience full joy because I’ve been so focused on You fixing my situation.  Yet You desire me to glorify You in my brokenness.  Please, Lord, help me as I continue on this journey, in this process.  Have Your will and way in my life, my loved one’s life, and in our situation.  I love You and thank You for how You’re already working that I can’t see and for how You will work.  I pray this all in Jesus’ name.  AMEN!

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