My Identity

Driving in early-morning hours.  Song on the radio…

“You call me righteous, You call me Yours, No longer guilty, Not anymore!!!  I am rewritten, I’m spoken for, A new creation now I stand, cause of who You say I am!”

…brought me to tears.

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This song played in my head and heart all weekend.  It was Easter weekend.  I found myself praising God-so grateful to Him that I am no longer guilty or condemned.  That through His redemptive work on the cross, through His grace, through my faith in Christ alone I am

  • righteous
  • His
  • not guilty
  • rewritten
  • spoken for
  • a new creation
  • and much more!

And my heart was so broken for my loved one who is bound by chains in his bondage to sin.  I continually prayed all weekend for his soul-for the scales and blindness to be removed from his eyes and heart-that he could see God’s love and forgiveness and amazing grace-and that he could experience God’s redemption.

As I continued to meditate on the words of this song, I kept coming back to this part

I am not bound by who I was, my identity redefined by Love!  I am not bound by who I was, my identity redefined by Love!”

My identity…

This made me think through what I believed my identity was.  The message of this song is sharing that my identity is now in Christ, which I thought I knew and believed.

As I continued to meditate on this phrase, on passages of scripture, on reflecting on the various events of discovery and letting go to this point, I realized God was bringing me to the point of letting go of who I had built and thought my identity to be.  It was a continuation of what I had been learning regarding me being powerless.

I realized I had built and believed/lived like my identity was found in my husband, in my job, in the military, in my family, in being childless, in the semblance of some “great” life.


Redefined by Love….while this is most likely obvious to most, this was a huge revelation to me in my heart and head.  God has been working in my life through all these horrible circumstances to bring me to the point of realizing my identity is in Him alone and to give me permission to redefine who I thought I was into being defined as His by His Love.

Grateful today for this truth!  Grateful there’s no measuring stick or continual need to please or gain approval from anyone to define who I am.  Thankful I can release this all to Him, the Giver of my true identity redefined by Love.

Crippling Fear

“If I were your enemy, I’d magnify your fears, making them appear insurmountable, intimidating you with enough worries until avoiding them becomes your driving motivation.  I would use anxiety to cripple you, to paralyze you, leaving you indecisive, clinging to safety and sameness, always on the defensive because of what might happen.  When you hear the word faith, all I’d want you to hear is unnecessary risk.” Priscilla Shirer in Fervent

This is exactly where I’d been…crippled, paralyzed, indecisive, concerned about what might happen, clinging to safety and sameness.

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In reading this chapter of Fervent, Priscilla also shares that fear is one of Satan’s greatest ways in crippling God’s people.  I’d also been focusing on fear not being from God.

So I began to think, “If Satan is working this hard to keep me in fear and not moving forward, what amazing beauty and/or blessing from God is he trying to keep me from?”

My prayer for Confronting Fear:

God, I thank You that You don’t give me a spirit of fear but of power, love, sound mind.  I ask You to forgive me when I give in to fear and ask that You help me not to choose, wallow in, entertain, or make friends with fear.  You promise me a hope and a future.  Because fear doesn’t come from You, help me recognize Satan’s attacks to keep me from Your plan which is my destiny-my next challenge/opportunity to see Your glory on display in what You wish to do with my life.  You are fearless Lord-please give me the faith to be fearless in You.

When I’m afraid, help me choose to put my trust in God whose word I praise.  Instruct and teach me in the way I should go, Lord-counsel me with Your eye upon me.  Give me Your peace, not as the world gives.  Take away the fear that I allow to cripple me for I know that if Satan’s working overtime to make me fearful, there must be some blessing or beauty from Heaven He’s trying to divert me from.  Thank you in advance for that blessing and beauty and for Your work in my life!  In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.



Footsteps hitting the gravel road. IMAG1337_1 Lungs inhaling fresh air. Pre-spring warm sun hitting my face.  Working to clear my head.

Talking to God as I mulled over the thoughts in my head…I realize I’m afraid.


…God does not give me the spirit of this

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind
(2 Timothy 1:7)

So my fear is coming from something other than God.

Opposite of fear to me is trust so my response is instead of fearing, I need to trust God.

What does God give me?

  • Power
  • Love
  • Sound Mind (other translations call this discipline or self-control)

So what does this mean?

In thinking through this, I’d already said I’ve learned I’m powerless, so wasn’t sure exactly how to explain how God is also giving me power.  So I went to Matthew Henry’s commentary for a deeper interpretation which said,

God has not given us the spirit of fear, but the spirit of power, of courage and resolution, to meet difficulties and dangers; the spirit of love to him, which will carry us through opposition. And the spirit of a sound mind, quietness of mind. The Holy Spirit is not the author of a timid or cowardly disposition, or of slavish fears. We are likely to bear afflictions well, when we have strength and power from God to enable us to bear them.

What does this look like in my life?

To me, it’s first recognizing when I’m fearful, calling it out and choosing to surrender it to God.  It’s asking God for His power and strength, daily…moment by moment…to get through the next task, step, opposition, affliction.  It’s courage in moving forward in complete trust in my God whose promises have never and will never fail me.  And it’s falling and getting back up when I give in to fear as God continues to create in me a better broken.


Many of us may struggle with doubts and questions to God.  The Psalms are so comforting to me as I find my prayer journal entries looking so  much like the Psalmists’ writings.IMAG1267_1_1

God desires us to be real with Him.  Yet He also desires us to cling to His promises.  This was my prayer to God as I struggled through my counseling that dealt with believing in God’s restoration.

Have you ever struggled with some of these thoughts?  Regardless of our situations, God desires us to cling to His promises.  He is Faithful!

God, it’s not that I don’t know that You’re all powerful, that You desire all to come to repentance, that You’re greater than this…I know that all in my head.  I’m struggling to believe this in my heart for my situation.  So often the bondage of sin seems so great and yet You already conquered sin and death!  I’m struggling as You’ve given us all a free will to choose…and yet You’re Sovereign and know what will happen…and I struggle that I don’t.  I’m struggling with accepting the fact that my loved one may never choose You or to be healed and that You may not choose to intervene.

God, at times, I’ve sounded as if I’m demanding You to heal him and our situation, please forgive me for that Lord.  You have a plan-You promise to prosper and not to harm me-to give me a hope and a future.  Give me the faith to believe Your promises to me.

I’ve asked You many questions this week.  What if You choose not to fix my brokenness?  What if no matter how much I pray for my loved one and our situation, the answer is no?  What do You want from me?  What are You doing with my life?  How do I know Your will?  How/What does Your joy look like in my life?  How do I respond to people when they ask how I am?  How can I glorify  You in the midst of my pain and sadness?

Through the week Lord, You’ve shown me that You want me to be a better broken-my situation may never get better-Your will may not involve my loved one or our situation to be healed/restored….it’s not for me to worry about.  Instead, You’re teaching me that You want me to get better in my brokenness-to know You with an intimacy and genuineness I’ve never-before experienced.  To completely trust You with each day and footpath instead of focusing on hiking the tallest peak of the mountains in my life.  To not hide in my circumstances but be ready to share genuinely how You’re working in my life without having to talk about my loved one.  To embrace the reality I’ve been given now-I can daily pray for him each morning but also look to You to help me embrace where You have me right now.

I haven’t been able to experience full joy because I’ve been so focused on You fixing my situation.  Yet You desire me to glorify You in my brokenness.  Please, Lord, help me as I continue on this journey, in this process.  Have Your will and way in my life, my loved one’s life, and in our situation.  I love You and thank You for how You’re already working that I can’t see and for how You will work.  I pray this all in Jesus’ name.  AMEN!